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Did I Choose Wrong

on September 2nd, 2009 by Rae

I’ve spent so much time being hurt

An abundance of energy I did exert

To keep my heart carefully protected

Just trying to do what was expected

The ones from where pain has come

And where the blame does flow from

I’ve let them decide how I am defined

Just how is that I have been so blind

The pain would come with such force

The bitterness depended on the source

Then I decided it would hurt no more

I slowly learned how to close the door

I kept the walls from tumbling down

Managing pieces that fell to the ground

And all those barriers that I did make

I felt kept me safe but were a mistake

While all the mysteries are explored

With many memories that are abhorred

I try to see things from a new angle

There’s many things I cannot untangle

I can feel a coldness taking over me

Even though I am still fighting to see

Just what it is that my heart requires

Instead of just deadening my desires

It is my heart that refuses to commit

My mind keeps telling me not to acquit

Unanswered questions linger long

I continue to ask “did I choose wrong”

| Posted in Heart & Soul, Pain & Sorrow

Kathy says:

September 4, 2009 at 07:35

Sometimes a choice isn’t really a choice…sometimes its “chosen” because we have no other option…to survive, the pain is just too crushing and the risks needed to take to live again feel much much too scary. Please don’t beat yourself up over this….you may have done what you needed to to survive.