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Changes

on August 31st, 2009 by Rae

I can see my irrational abject attitude

I feel unable to make any changes to

After all of the things that have ensued

And knowing changes are long overdue

I see the change right there before me

But it feels as if it is beyond my ability

Sometimes I think that I’m not worthy

Yet I am told it’s where I deserve to be

I’ve deemed no one to be that convincing

With all the new advice I keep on rejecting

It’s by these old rules I insist on abiding

With reasons I keep diligently defending

My cage rattles from the latest revisions

I feel the weight of all these new decisions

And a new heaviness from my admissions

They are the results of all my tribulations

It is still so cautiously that I wish to tread

As I learn to see where my choices have led

And understand habits that should be shed

So I can obtain the things I wish for instead

So now I’ve come to where I must decide

Knowing all of the things that I have denied

Do I make these changes that I have defied

And then bring an end to this slow suicide

| Posted in Change & Growth, Desire

Cheryl says:

August 31, 2009 at 13:25

It is a true crossroad when you realize that the agony of despair is too much to hold onto, yet the pain of risk and freedom is too much to reach out for. Maybe this is when God has you right where he wants you, unable to move without first grasping His hand.
Rae says:

August 31, 2009 at 16:00

That first sentence is so well put and unbelievably accurate. The second sentence, I have a strong feeling that you are very right about that as well. I guess you have to come to that place where you realize that fear doesn’t leave room for anything else like beauty, purpose, etc…. and then when the illusions start to die, it is only then that something bigger, like God, can move in and take their place.
Kathy says:

September 1, 2009 at 18:29

I can identify with many of your poems.