on August 16th, 2009 by Rae
I’ve been asked to sort through my losses
And then to accept that some will stay gone
But the taste of bitterness is still lingering
It guides and prevents me from moving on
I’m stuck thinking I can keep my heart safe
I can’t seem to take the well meant advice
It feels so right to don this cloak of denial
Not acknowledging that I am paying a price
This battle in my soul keeps refusing to stop
And my heart is filled with rage and despair
The pain is hidden by a propensity to pretend
The doubts and fears still continue to impair
The confusion and frustration are persistent
Fear of condemnation makes the air go stale
This existence that is masquerading as life
Has bonds on my soul that I fear will not fail
My resistance is so strong that it is painful
But I understand what is holding me back
It is the fear that I will still feel the rejection
I have learned it is faith and trust that I lack
My confidence in love has been disturbed
And I am desperate to find and explanation
Many angry questions have been provoked
Is love authentic or is it out of an obligation
I resent the legitimate longings of my heart
My anger is directed at where they flow from
Because it is much easier to hate the hunger
Than it is to wait for the satisfaction to come
The determination to survive independently
Has been reigning in my world for so long
And the struggle to remove it from its throne
Is so arduous and it continues to hold strong
I’m getting tired of grief’s infinite patience
And the way it just sits and waits for me
I keep wanting to avoid parts of the process
And push back against what is trying to be
But these constant feelings of discontentment
Are telling me my heart needs to be realigned
And that I need to gain some new perspective
So I stop feeling like I’ll always be left behind
© Copyright www.poemaequiaperio.com
| Posted in
Desire,
Fear,
Heart & Soul,
Pain & Sorrow
Leave a Reply