I’ve Learned

 

I’ve learned that returning to those places

Has made me relive every nightmare

And I’m asking if Hell is still below me

Or wondering if maybe I’m already there

 

I’ve learned when things don’t kill you

A lasting scar is what they leave behind

There are ones that are clearly visible

And there are ones that secretly remind

 

I’ve learned from wounds I’ve accrued

That the invisible ones are far more trying

And it also seems that they are the ones

That I spend most of my time denying

 

I’ve learned that being strong isn’t easy

I’m not sure I am able to do what it takes

I’m desperate to avoid repeating the story

I don’t want to fall for the same mistakes

 

I’ve learned how to give up all my rights

And was expected to do what I was told

I was threatened and told not to divulge

And since, by fear I have been controlled

 

I’ve learned going back makes it more real

And I am so afraid of the fear and shame

They say going back will help me to heal

But part of me thinks I am still to blame

 

I’ve learned that it is all of these beliefs

That they are making a prisoner out of me

I am the one who has created these walls

Now I am feeling like I want to break free

 

I’ve learned that even though I was living

I know that I’ve been dying to feel alive

I can say that I want more this time around

I’m starting to feel like I want to survive

 

I’ve learned that there is so much more

And this part of me that I thought had died

Now wants to come out and experience life

And convince me that I don’t need to hide

 

I’ve learned that things are not as they seem

And the lies that I was taught are not true

I am not the bad person that I thought I was

I’m a good person that bad things happened to

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| Posted in Change & Growth, Fear, Shame