Am I Losing Me?

 

 

I hear you talking but I’m not really there

Not knowing what to say as I feel your glare

My mind slips so that I am no longer aware

You wonder what’s behind my empty stare

You want to meet me because you do care

But I can’t seem to tell you how to get there

 

I’ve been there and now I am back again

Forced to look at what the past does contain

I fight to stay afloat amidst all of the pain

Looking for something to remove the stain

With too many things no one can explain

Grasping for something I can never obtain

 

It’s all there swirling around in my head

I try to figure out if I have made this bed

From so many things that I’ve left unsaid

As I sort through all the lies I’ve been fed

And continue to fear the road that’s ahead

Sometimes wishing I could go back instead

 

Haunting questions that are too hard to face

And desperate avoidance of a state of disgrace

There are numbing indulgences I use to erase

Yet nothing will disappear without a trace

There’s something missing I can never replace

My soul tries to breathe as it looks for space

 

I see now and then with my eyes open wide

That matters will get worse if I choose to hide

But sometimes it feels like my hands are tied

With all of the broken tears that I’ve cried

From wounds by those that failed to provide

Feeling like I’ll always stand on the outside

 

The distance is shorter and the fall is steep

Closer to the edge I continue to creep

Not sure I can survive if I end this sleep

I retain what is real and it makes me weep

There are some promises no one can keep

It feels too late and I’m lost way too deep

 

An ashamed heart that is aching to be free

This lonely prison that contains the debris

Makes it hard to determine what could be

With so many things that I cannot foresee

Feeling overcome by all the uncertainty

I then start to wonder, “Am I losing me?”

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| Posted in Pain & Sorrow, Shame